


18 Potatoes and a Chicken

by MeredithBrody



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Comedy, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-22
Updated: 2013-10-22
Packaged: 2017-12-30 03:32:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1013573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeredithBrody/pseuds/MeredithBrody
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The price Captain Hernandez fetches at a slave auction leads to hilarity for the NX-01 crew.</p>
            </blockquote>





	18 Potatoes and a Chicken

**Author's Note:**

> This story came from a headcanon from Roo on Tumblr, which simultaneously came from a real life situation where I was almost sold for 18 potatoes and a chicken. 
> 
> The other things offered are the actual "bids" my friends have made since. Because my friends are a massive bunch of arseholes (but I love them)

This particular set of rumours was more than Hoshi had had to deal with for a while, but maybe the funnier part of it was that this time they were all true. Rarely had fleet rumours been completely true, especially when this particular rumour had explained _Enterprise_ ’s quick turnabout to the Orion colony on Newyddion. She was still reading through one of the reports she’d been sent from _Columbia_ as she felt Trip’s hand on her shoulder. “Is it true?” He asked, and she didn’t even have to ask

“Sidra was there. She swears.” Hoshi shrugged and turned her chair slightly with a grin. It was already pretty obvious that this was going to be a long standing joke between the NX crews, and she couldn’t help but feel like the Captain was going to get a lot of teasing about his choice of currency. “Apparently people weren’t bidding on Captain Hernandez.”

“I’m not sure if I’m glad about that or saddened.” Malcolm said from across the bridge, Hoshi looking up and realising how loudly they’d actually been speaking. She grimaced a little as that realisation struck her, but everyone was going to know soon enough anyway, especially now that Kiona and Sidra were manning the bridge over on _Columbia_.

“I’d go with glad since it meant the Captain didn’t kill anyone.” She had to point that out, because that was the only outcome she could see if someone had somehow bought Captain Hernandez.

“But he bought her?” Travis asked, all of them turning to her. The answer to that was surely an obvious one, since they’d all seen the two captains go into the ready room not even 10 minutes earlier.

“Yes. For 18 potatoes and their equivalent of a chicken.”

“Who was bought for a chicken?” Kalil, the science officer from Columbia asked as he came onto the bridge, clearly on a hunt for his Captain.

“Captain Hernandez.” Trip grinned in the direction of the newcomer before shaking his head. There was something to be said for the two ships being almost identical, the two crews could move about at will. “18 potatoes and a Chicken. I’m actually pretty proud of the Captain for that. Sound like the dowry was a bargain.” He joked again, and she swatted him lightly in the stomach as he leant over her trying to read the report, that she had, maybe sensibly, had displayed in Vulcan.

Kalil, it seemed, was trying to work out the pricing for a Starfleet Captain. Considering the look of intense concentration he got before he spoke. “That’s a bit low, surely? Shouldn’t there have at least been. I don’t know? Two chickens and maybe a goat.”

“What are you bidding on?” Captain Archer asked, coming out of the ready room swiftly followed by Captain Hernandez, both of whom looked suitably annoyed. Maybe the gossiping had covered up another argument. They’d all heard enough of the two Captains bickering about security protocols over the last week.

“Nothing, Captain.” She tried to cover, but it seemed as though Trip wasn’t quite ready to let the subject drop. She tried to grab hold of his arm when she realised what he was about to do, but was just a little too late.

“I bid two chickens and a goat for your wife, Captain.” He said, and Jon just stared at him. Hoshi couldn’t help but laugh at Captain Hernandez’s reaction though. She was easily the second smallest person on the bridge and she just stood with her arms out then span around on the spot.

“Am I invisible, because I swear I’m standing right here.” She said after a second spin, then glared at Captain Archer until he finally turned to her. It was always fun to watch the two Captains, if only because she never got to see her Captain quite as cheerful as when she was around. It seemed that whatever silent battle of wills they were having, Captain Hernandez won, because after a moment Captain Archer just bowed his head slightly with a smile.

“OK, Rike, you choose. Two chickens and a goat, or Bessie-Moo, her posse, and I’ll throw in a goat too.” The hypothetical animals seemed to be his main selling point, and Hoshi met Captain Hernandez’s eyes for a second and shrugged, then shook her head slightly indicating that the two men were being ridiculous, and all for a laugh.

She really tried to sell that she was making a thorough and hard thought decision, but it was no big surprise to anyone when she went and wrapped an arm round Captain Archer’s waist. “Oh this is a hard choice. I gotta go for Bessie-Moo though. I’m rather attached to that cow.”

“Dammit, lost out again.” Trip fake-complained with a grin, and headed back in the direction of the Communications console. She wasn’t about to fake-comfort him for losing, to do that she’d have to stop laughing.

“You’re worse than an Orion, Trip.” Malcolm said a second later when all the laughing seemed to die down, and the two Captains and Kalil were heading to the turbolift.

“We really should keep Captain Hernandez away from the Orions, it never seems to end up well.” Trip muttered loudly, and she knew already what was going to come from that, considering the lift doors hadn’t made the tell tale hissing sound of closing.

“I heard that.” Hernandez shouted a second later, and the entire bridge burst out laughing, all apart from Trip, who began repeatedly banging his head against her console. She allowed her laughter to stop before she ran her hand over the back of his head to stop him.

He looked up at her a moment later and uttered just one word, and that was enough to set the entire bridge off again. “Shit.”


End file.
